OK, got my mulitmeter and am going to test the wires for high voltage, and if I leave the harness in but the not the CD deck plugged into the harness it does NOT happen.. so the stupid Sony deck might be the problem and
I will stop putting bigger fuses in.. I know it could short the source and not fuse, its just crazy how it works for a while then the lights dim out and "pop" so I thought it could just be a weak fuse.. OK thanks everyone.. we will see what happens.